Are We Sick?

It was great of Time Out to have us as their lead film story, but enthusiasm was slightly damped by the tone of the piece... indeed, they asked the question "are we sick?"

We first decided to make the film back in 2003, the year after Posy's death. It was an incredibly tough time, and the three of us at Molehill disagreed as to what to do, and even parted company for a while. In the end it was the unanimous support from Posy's family and friends that convinced us that we should go ahead and make the film. WE knew why we were doing it, and the family and friends did too. In the end, we reasoned, if anyone misinterprets us, then that should not dissuade us.

Despite our bravado, we were still very concered about how people would see us... until the Raindance film festival in 2005. It was there that we got very good reviews, all of whom seemed to get what we were about ("heartfelt and courageous", said the BBC at the time). Best of all, personal response from the audience was fantastic.

And so the Time Out piece came as a bit of a shock. Of course they are entirely in their rights to be cynical (though it didn't help that they uncharitably chopped our 20% charitable donation in half, an error they have since corrected). I'd probably be cynical too if I were them and had not seen the film or documentary. It was a reminder that although we've lived this for years, and have all become a wonderful extended family... we might face an uphill battle persuading world-weary hacks of our intentions.

We only made this film because Posy was (in our humble opinion) one of the most wonderful human beings to grace this planet. Everyone who met her fell in love with her... her capacity for coexisting evil humour and boundless love was unparalleled. She befriended the friendless, and never forgot her family even when very busy. However much you list her qualities, they don't do her justice... she was one of those very rare genuinely special people that inspired others.

I remember the torture of those first weeks without her. Just the inconsolable loss was inexplicable... I counted up I only met her on 11 different occasions, yet it felt like my best friend had died. That was all horrendous enough, and then I had the knowledge that we had wonderful, priceless footage of this person and no way to use it. With another actor, I'd have probably have thought "how very sad", and moved on... there was nothing that could be done anyway. The idea for what became Sam Jackson came because I couldn't let her go. After the family told me it was her best surviving work, I simply HAD to find a way to use this stuff, however impossible that might be.

In the end, it was impossible not to make the film. Her life needed marking in some way, and we were lucky enough to be able to do it.

Welcome to the Sam Jackson Blog / I hate MySpace

OK... I was going to do a blog on MySpace but I have gone out of my mind trying to make stuff work over there.

I got 3 A-levels. Including Physics. I understood Memento (I think). But getting MySpace to work... uh, no. I'll spare you the details.

So here is my blog, and it is all things to do with Sam Jackson's Secret Video Diary. I am Guy Rowland, the film's producer / director / writer / blah / blah / blah. As you probably already know, it's a curious film, and a curious release - indeed, it looks like we are the first ever people to try a pay-what-you-like download model for a movie. So keep watching here to see whether we

a) crash and burn,
b) are just a damp squib, or
c) if we strike a blow for independent film with a heart.